Thomas and our depression "and it is our depression"

This was a family event for me and Thomas.....I am in this for the long haul. To see Thomas happy, it is so sad to see him so unhappy. Life can be a scary place, but it must go on. I love Thomas and I always have, what he has been inherited with is not his fault. Thomas is a sweet boy in a world that is moving on and he feels left behind.
not the end, to be completed.....................

Today 8-5-15

As of today I need to post somethings, but need to do it when I have more time. So when I get back from Ms. Cleo's I hope I will. I'm back it is the 10th of August. I have had the boys all summer it seems. And I really like it other than them staying up all night and sleeping all day. keeping things so messy which really isn't that bad. I wish I could find them something to do here to make money.
I need to take ben shopping and buy him school clothes. Mom give me 60 dollars for Benj some clothes. I don't like the fact that they enjoy smoking (P) I don't mind the cigs cause they will get tired of that. They will see that is it a dependency.
I will come back and tell more, It is going to take a lot to get them back on track, I am trying real hard not to hold hate in my heart about David. But to find out that he was taking my money and buying pot with it......that it should have been paid on the bills. And you tell me that it shouldn't be hard not to hate him. Now I know why he wanted me to go back to work so bad, so he could by more p. Asshole, and he had the nerve to complain about cleaning the house, asshole.......I work and you stay home....do like I did when I stayed home........clean the house and take care of the boys and don't complain about it.
Lord, help me not to hate him........I don't care about the p smoking, I am fine with it but don't bitch to me when you got to do a little work. A marriage takes teamwork, at least I thought it did. I better stop while I'm calm, I'm making myself pissed talking about it.

Devastate

I went out with Cindy, Ricky and Jim last night.  We went and saw Ken, his wife and his ex wife, their friends and thought  Billy Moore last night but he was home in bed. We went to a friend of Ricky's and it was where his girlfriend lived with her 5 or 7 adopted It children.  It was a mess, she the (mom) in question was or had been in bed for 2 days these kids were left to do what ever. Reminded me of David letting the boys do what ever they wanted to do. I hurt for these kids, my heart ached for these children. Last night I saw a part of the real world. The MOM in question, wanted these children for the money. I don't know what to do, turn her in......God only knows where the kids would go. Pray, Lord you know what is best. I am at a loss of words.

Better

Well things seem to be better, I would love to get Ben's hair cut. It is almost as long as mine. It would not be so bad it he would take care of it, but it is like he is in a slump and don't really care, about anything. Want to see if I can get them to help out at the church volunteering to pass out food. We will cross that bridge when we get there.

3-13-15-----Friday the 13th

I am off to a great start today, got the boys off to school, I feel well rested considering I have slept on a couch all week in my clothes. resorted to wearing boys clothes cause I don't have any with me. For me it is no problem, I adapt to my surrounding. I don't like to place judgement on no one, cause I know I'm no better in some way or another. Talked to David this morning, he is felling better, going to keep boys with me the weekend.  Got a lot planned though, don't know how it will all play out. Don't really care if I don't have any responses, I'm really posting for myself. Makes me feel better. Getting ready to copy and paste to my blog.

What have I done?

I am here with the boys while David is in the hospital. Benjamin is so disrespectful toward me, sounds just like his dad. No respect, none for family, said he hates everyone. It is so sad. It is all things I have heard David say. How family never helps us, well they never helped anyone else either. Families are looking out for their family or themselves. What do I do. It is so sad.......I can't let them see me cry......I just hate to deal with this. I wish someone could get his head to thinking right. I just want them to get an education and be dependent on themselves. I'm sorry, but David's thinking is screwed up. I'm hate I got myself in this mess and had children that are mentally damaged by the crazy rants. I would ask you Lord to help me, but I see now help in sight.